march 13th (frank mills)

it's crazy
       it's meant to be.
          it's meant to "try it" from every angle.
and that's why
I must try to write about "it" from every angle.
         but
            I am losing.
              the more I write about
"it"
                                                               the worse 'it" gets.
                                                                    ....like how a captor .a kidnapper ...stuffs the pillow
                                                                            or his hand tighter and deeper into a captive's mouth who dares to scream

 

...................................

I try taking.
the orange pill.
the pill that ...subdues one's own brain signals
to such an extreme ...one can barely walk.let alone think.
I try .
I have tried and tried to take the orange pill and neuroleptics...anti psychotics..i cannot
my body reacts with dystonic jerks..
dyskinesia.
---------------------------------------I should never have begun writing about it.
                                                         
I make it worse for myself
the unseen hand .
deeper and tighter around my.mind.
.....................................

                                              I wake up.on the edge of a dream
                                                             not my own
                                                                a dream meant to mock
                                                                     to help move this fake madness along
                                                                          a puppeteer
                                                      a "Mandler"
                                                           with a more subtle technique
                                                                  is at bat.
one who knows what Slow Kill
should mean
 to and for this new (but in truth decades old) arsenal of Neurotronic Displacement
 my operator knows   madness
the genuine madness this synthetic madness is meant to instill
means nothing unless one feels it coming...
not quickly but slower and slower..always coming  'round the mountain....
always just in one's Mind's Eye Line...but always seemingly
FAR AWAY
this Mandler knows ....
this new helmsman
of my Merge Nano Bio
knows Tele -Presence
must get to know one's soul before it can rip it apart...incrementally..

in sleeping dreams and this waking dream of consciousness.
this waking of nightmare ...of being held captive  and tortured by biosensors they put in me
to teach me a lesson
to
it  seemed .
it seemed at first -
to show me a New Way
.................................................they built me up ..
                                                      made me enjoy the experience.
                                                            made me enjoy the "game"
only so
they could instill in me at a later time .not of my choosing
this was never a game.

and this was never about gaming.
or a new type of TV.....but ONLY torture..

t didn't have to go this way...though I glean .
if only I didn't scream
or insinuate.
my own country could do this to me..
if only to make me and those like me .
example.